How to Communicate and Respect your Loved One with Dementia
67
Today I am Anna's Voice
by Mary Lou Chmura
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License
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Intro
Today, I am Anna’s voice is based on a true life experience. It is a heartwarming and compelling narrative of how I thought Anna felt and what she would have liked to say to friends and loved ones during her affliction with dementia. Most importantly, how she would have liked, so very much, to have been treated in the same manner that she always had been. If only she could have turned back time.
This is in memory of Anna, who touched so many lives. Thank you Anna, for increasing my awareness and for granting me permission to share your story with the world.
May we all learn from Anna how to communicate with compassion, care and understanding so that our loved ones who are afflicted with dementia may be treated with dignity and respect.
Your daughter-in-law and friend,
Lou
Today I am Anna's Voice
Today I speak for Anna.
Remember my giggly smile and my joyous welcomes.
Remember my hugs and how I would hold your hand and shake it back and forth in my excitement of greeting you.
Today I may not remember what I did or said five minutes ago.
I may not be able to engage in conversation that requires answers to questions.
Know
that this is as frustrating and uncomfortable for me as it is for you.
Place yourself in my shoes. Tell me what would you do? How would you
act?
I’m not asking for your sympathy.
I see and hear enough of that.
I’m asking for your friendship, your compassion and your love.
I’m asking you to walk beside me and hold my hand.
Simply stated, just be with me!
Anticipate my needs.
Above all, I need to be treated as an adult with dignity and respect.
Please do not talk at me or about me like I am merely a topic of conversation.
Please
do not alleviate your feelings of uneasiness by trying to be funny at
my expense. And last but not least, please do not treat me like a child.
Place
yourself in an atmosphere where you have become a topic of conversation
or worse someone making a joke at your expense. How would you feel?
Would you just want to withdraw, isolate yourself from the world?
Perhaps you have seen me do just that by lying my head down on the table or nodding off to
sleep.
Most importantly, remember that I have feelings.
Look for the feelings behind my words.
Engage me in your conversations; try to leave out any questions.
Questions
are extremely hard for they require answers that I do not have. Live in
the moment with me for that is all I have. Each moment is still a gift.
Talk to me, Reminisce about the old times where my memories still live.Take a
trip down memory lane. © “2005 mlchmura”
Learn from Anna
Although Anna was capable of speaking for herself, she didn't always have the mental capabilities to organize her thoughts and communicate her feelings.
But Anna was still very much alive; she had an incredible awareness of all that surrounded her. She knew when people were talking about her. She was very good at reading body language. She craved to be touched and appreciated anyone who showed her compassion and understanding. Sometimes she even needed to be needed.
In our hearts, Anna will
always be the mother, the mother-in-law, the sister, the sister-in-law,
the grandmother, great grandmother, aunt and our friend. Nothing will
ever take this away. Memories of Anna,(and her husband, Mike) are
treasures that will be cherished and remain alive in our hearts forever.
Blessings From Anna in Heaven:
With special thanks to all my family, friends
and relatives for being there when I needed you most. Thank you for
your continuous love and ongoing support. Each and every one of you are
blessed and will always be in my heart.
Be with your loved one today for that is all they have!
Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Anna
Remember Always
"Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why we call it 'The Present'."
~Eleanor Roosevelt
CommentsLoading...
Fantastic. Well written. I wish that I had known Anna she sounds like a lovely person. I am glad you were able to share her with us!
Thanks so much Alessia for your comment. It is greatly appreciated.
Lou
Hi Ohma,
Thanks so much. Anna was a wonderful person and her legacy of love lives on.
Lou
great hub :)
Thanks so much!
This is a beautiful hub about an important topic. A good friend of mine was sliding into dementia and had trouble remembering who everyone was. In the nursing home, a nurse asked who I was and she said, 'this is my best friend.' So sweet.
Later, I learned from another visitor, that Marge had replied 'this is my best friend,' when asked the same question. This other visitor's eye filled with tears as she said it, so grateful to be thought of as such by someone she cared about, who was slipping away.
I had to laugh, to myself and never told the other visitor my own experience. Marge kept her charm and wit, even in dementia and was able to give despite her failures.
Dolores,
Thanks so much for your sharing your personal story and becoming a fan. Your friend's personality sounds so very much like Anna.
Lou
That made me cry how touching and how beautiful I to have dealt with Dementia, Alzheimer's patience and they truly want to be loved. I realize that they are people to but many forget about them. What a wonderful tribute beautifully written. :)
So true, thanks so much.
Lou
Lou, I wrote a hub on this myself. My sister, who is 54 has Dementia. It breaks my heart that she is so sick. She gets so upset that she can't remember things.
This is a beautiful hub and Anna sounds like a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing.
Naomi,
So sorry to hear about your sister who is only 54. This must be so hard for both of you. I hope others can find it in their hearts to have patience and provide her with the dignity and respect that she deserves.
Take care and God Bless!
Thanks so much on your comment.
So Beautiful, Thank you for remembering our Mom so tenderly she was so terrific!!!!!!
Love you, Lou. You were like a daughter to her. Anna loved you so much.
Annmary
Annmary, thanks so much for being there for your mom, especially for never leaving her alone, right through to the end.
You stayed strong and by her side. You stood up to every one and did what was right for your mom. Thanks for all the wonderful home made meals you made and brought to her in the nursing home. Each and every one that you made was her favorite.
We will all hold and cherish the memories that we have forever in our hearts. She played a special part in every one of our lives.
Love you
Lou
Wow, Lou, very nice tribute to Anna. I know how much you loved her, and it shows.
So true about everything you wrote.
Thanks so much Linda.
A very interesting and thoughtful piece Lou. Welcome to Hub Pages. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks!
Wonderfully written Lou.
Anna was also fortunate to have you. My father went through this just before he died.
Thanks so much for your kind words and follow.
Sage
Outstanding job, Lou. Having been a part of Anna's last year with us, I can say that you've captured her spirit perfectly. It's a treat to read about the Anna you knew before I was privileged to meet her. Thank you for speaking up, for Anna and for the millions in her position.
Diane,
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. You were a very special friend to Anna. She always lit up when you walked into the room.
You showed her the absolute best of times. From the top of the Ferris Wheel, to lunch in the park and still getting out to shop at the Holyoke Mall. Many thanks to you and your staff. You kept Anna very much alive and young at heart.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart,
Lou
This hub really tugged at my heart, I had a grandmother who had dimentia. She remembered distant past, but it was very frustrating and confusing for her to puzzle together "today". She's very blessed to have had a daughter in law like you. Thank you also for reading my article, your comment is much appreciated!
Cheryl, thanks so much for reading this hub and commenting. It is greatly appreciated!
Lou C
dignity and respect indeed LOU
How many Anna among us today, We miss Anna in todays world...
Thanks, this is beautiful, Maita
Thanks so much for commenting and for following. It is greatly appreciated.
Lou
What a heartwarming and touching hub. Anna was fortunate in her family.
I've been through a similar situation with my Gram. Her's was a slow deterioration and near the end very painful for us. We tried very hard to give her what she needed. Myself, my mom and my two sisters were all with her at the end. It was sad to say goodbye.
Duchess OBlunt-Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Your comment is genuinely heartfelt.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this with your Grandmother as well. It is very painful for all. It sounds as though your grandmother was fortunate to have all of her loved ones around her as well.
Lou C
8/28/2011
Mary Lou,
Thanks so much for the wonderful words of inspiration and encouragment that you offered as a guide to inspire and help others to assist their loved ones through this very trying time in life to keep love and dignity strong within the union of love.
Alessia Amnesia 2 years ago
I used to work with people who had Dementia and it is so very true that they need friendship more than anything. This was a lovely hub and I look forward to reading more from you. Keep up the good work and welcome to HubPages!